Breakeven

We had a fair break up. We are cool, until now. No anger, neither vengeance. All is well.

You moved on with your life, achieving things. While here I am, struggling with what I have.

Why did we break up at the first place? Let’s say that we just took a different fork in the road. With our own reason and idealism, we choose our own path. And it was okay.

We talked briefly at the coffee shop. You asked me how my new life was going. I said, different. It could never be the same again.

I can only thank you for what you have done to me – to whatever you taught to me that made me who I am now. What would I do if it wasn’t you? It was a debt I could never pay. You said I have to keep on the right track and do my best, that I have a potential to be great.

We drank the last sip of chocolate, and we went back to the old place.

You said the door is open for me to be back with you. Why didn’t I just leave and say yes?

I didn’t know for sure. There was a certain part of me that was sure to leave you, but I can’t deny it’s very hard to move on.

Why can’t I go back? Perhaps because you matters to me too much, not as much as I matter to you. I just want myself to be mattered.

But until now, it is so hard to find someone to replace you. Maybe because all I could think of is just you and all of your traits. I just think that your figure is too ideal, too synchronized with what I expected…

Sooner or later I know I have to accept your replacement. To face the reality, that nobody else could ever be like you. That your replacement is not you yourself.

The easiest solution? Find someone better.

But maybe You already know how hard it is for me, because You was the one who picked me up at none and let me go polished. I don’t know if anybody else beside you can do that to me. Better people than you may choose someone better than me.

But I have to move on. Even if it is hard.

Because when a heart breaks, no it don’t break even.

 

—–

ini konteksnya bukan pacaran dan cinta-cintaan lho ya. ini ceritanya waktu itu sedih krn berpisah jalan dgn bos favorit saya huhuhu.

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