Playing Victim

Sometimes you drown again in self hatred and loathing

But all you get is that you’re told playing victim

Of course,

They’re not the one struggling everyday without feeling unworthy

Oh, the root of all those feelings

Who am I going to blame?

All those bullies or those who didn’t do anything watching me suffer

Or those who knew but became silent

Or those who left the open wound

Time heals

But I messed up and dig up the wounds again

You know that lately I feel like I’m a bad mother

Stupid mother who just cant say nice things to her children

Stupid mother who just cant care enough to feed their kids good stuffs

Stupid mother…

But why the hell am I telling all this?

To get a pity or sympathy?

None of it will get things straight.

The hardest one to forgive is ourselves

After long journey of self healing and trying to love myself, I can’t believe I come back to square one.

I did believe that I am a good mother,

But now it’s so hard to believe that

(But if I don’t believe it, who will?)