Sometimes you drown again in self hatred and loathing
But all you get is that you’re told playing victim
They’re not the one struggling everyday without feeling unworthy
Oh, the root of all those feelings
Who am I going to blame?
All those bullies or those who didn’t do anything watching me suffer
Or those who knew but became silent
Or those who left the open wound
But I messed up and dig up the wounds again
You know that lately I feel like I’m a bad mother
Stupid mother who just cant say nice things to her children
Stupid mother who just cant care enough to feed their kids good stuffs
But why the hell am I telling all this?
To get a pity or sympathy?
None of it will get things straight.
The hardest one to forgive is ourselves
After long journey of self healing and trying to love myself, I can’t believe I come back to square one.
I did believe that I am a good mother,
But now it’s so hard to believe that
(But if I don’t believe it, who will?)